If I asked you what you need, how would you answer?
It seems like a pretty basic question, but a lot of us don’t really know what we need. Many of us, especially women, are so used to being aware of and checking in on other people’s needs that we don’t know what our own needs are or whether they are being met.
Here are some of the ways that your needs are not being met, based on what I have heard from women I have worked with:
- You don’t eat when your body needs food, you eat at a time when your partner wants to eat either because that’s when the partner gets home from work or because that’s when the partner is hungry
- You stay up late because your partner stays up late even though your body needs more sleep and staying up late makes it difficult for you to fall asleep
- You go out for all-day treks even though your body needs more rest because the rest of the family is fine running around all-day
- You go on vacation with the family and are still the one doing the cooking and straightening
- You know you need quiet time alone (to recharge!!) but everyone else’s needs come first and you don’t actually end up having quiet time
When your needs are not being met, you may:
- feel tired a lot
- eat foods that are not supportive to you
- eat at times that are not supportive to you
- eat more than is supportive for you
- feel resentful
- feel a lot of emotions and not know what to do with them so you eat to distract yourself
Here is the thing about not getting your needs met.
First, you have to get clear on what your needs are.
I invite you to find a quiet space and ask your heart what you need to feel your best, to function as your most vibrant self, and write it all down, list it out. Do this without evaluating each need that you write down and coming up with a reason you can’t have it. Let your heart and intuition guide you.
Once you know what your needs are, you can find ways to get those needs fulfilled.
This may mean making a change in the way that you do things.
Sometimes it means having a conversation with someone else (partner, children, parents, friends, work colleagues, etc.) to calmly express what it is you need and to collaborate on finding a solution that works for you.
As a wellness coach, I have helped many of my clients get clear on their needs, learn how to express them calmly, and ask for others to support them.
Let’s continue this conversation together and talk about you, get clear on what you need and how to receive it.